He can handle a mop and a mullet, thought he was Elvis, was a big noting bikie, owed lots of money in Shepparton and on the Gold Coast, cops found him full of grog when he crashed his car and he dudded his own family out of $80,000.

But friends are adamant he is no pillow biter.

It was 2001 when he first met Julia. She had just been elected to the shadow ministry and had wandered into a Fitzroy salon where Tim was working, just around the corner from 85 Kerr Street.

Of course Julia suffered Tim’s usual, well practised pick-up lines. He needn’t have bothered because Julia wasn’t a particularly good nor a hard catch.

Nor was Tim who already had plenty of form… and plenty of single women.

After a bit of sweaty wrestling in the cot, Tim dumped his regular Shepparton law firm partner, the pretty Jayne Law, for the far less aesthetic Julia.

But unbeknown to divorced father-of-three Tim, it was Julia calling the shots. It was she who dumped Tim for greener pastures where married men browse.

Influential Labor MP colleague Craig Emerson was her next target.

Julia found him attractive but strangely Julia’s contact lenses had gone missing at the time.

Anyway, after one agile night with Craig, Tim was a mere memory and Craig’s wife and kids mattered no more than Bruce Wilson’s had.

The enchanted Craig promptly left his wife and three children for the myopic Julia.

After Julia had bought another set of contact lenses Craig too was dumped.

In 2007 Labor won office and Julia’s communist background had rapidly ushered her to the Deputy PM position.

Soon, in a Labor Government bereft of talent, Julia found herself fingered by her old foe the AWU as the one to take out Rudd and set up a union supported radical Left agenda.

Now her coterie of married men partners was a definite no-no and she quickly made a call to the good old jilted, but single and broke, Tim.

The offer of digs at The Lodge sounded great and $250,000 p.a. pocket money seemed a lot of haircuts to Tim.

"You’re on", said Tim, "but I don’t want to be just a handbag, Jules."

Julia explained that he would be permitted to fly with her in her private plane and meet important people at the Richmond Football Club and that she had a little bell beside her bed and he could be expected to be summoned when needed.

"Ripper", said Tim, "…do I get a little bell too?"

"Nope", said Julia.

But Tim had a more important problem that needed fixing if his wildest dreams of becoming Australia’s first bloke were to eventuate.

You see, Tim’s poor father had put $30,000 into his son’s Shepparton hair salon business and his brother had borrowed $50,000 to invest in the venture.

But Tim had become bored with cutting hair and when staff arrived one Monday morning they found he had cleaned out the till and shot through.

There was also the little matter of $20,000 owed on the Gold Coast.

There were enough skeletons in Julia’s cupboard without Tim’s indebtedness rearing its head at an inopportune moment.

We have no idea who coughed up the green stuff but a union official got behind the wheel of his car and settled all of Tim’s debts in cash.

What else do we need to know about Tim except that he barracks for Richmond?

"Oh yeah, one more thing Jules, can I decide who gets to go into the Tigers’ dressing rooms after the game?"

"Of course you can Tim", sighed Julia. "You can even decide the nationality of whoever wants to stick a finger up your bum."

The Australian has reported today that Tim demanded Tony Abbott not be invited into the Tigers’ dressing rooms ever again and demanded Richmond CEO Gale raise the matter with Julia’s chief of staff, Ben Hubbard.

There ya go… being first bloke certainly gives you clout even if you’re not allowed to have your own little bell.

Mmmm, goodness me, what a wanker!

141
Leave a Reply

Please Login to comment
123 Comment threads
18 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
61 Comment authors
Bazza60PuffladdobarraabusAIison Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Bazza60
Member
Bazza60

Cassidy was a junior reporter at the Shepparton News in his early days. Did he have a haircut from Tiny Tim, or a dud car from his brother (whom he also dudded) ???

Puff
Member
Puff

Along with the other guys Jules has shagged, I’d definitely say it’s a case of the casting couch.

laddo
Member
laddo

reading this looks like old juliar has blown more blokes the budgets, she is a real c**ck sucker,
if cruddy has another crack at the lodge, timmo will stay doing kevs hair for him.

barraabus
Member
barraabus

Just an imbecile with peanuts for brains .

That ‘s probably why the Labor Party are using him in an attempt to make Gillard look good .

Seems it’s having the reverse effect …lol

AIison
Member
AIison

Ivahoe…hah… now that would be “keeping it in the family” mate… Larry..seriously… some time spent chasing down those speeding ticks could be illuminating…. worst case, he gets busted, somebody pays his fine…better case … too many pts he cant drive the car anymore for wahile…best case, we get to learn where he was speeding to or from…. that could be worth shining a light on mate!

BarryB
Member
BarryB

Toy Boy Tim is on notice. He has not been seen in public with Juliar for weeks – his gaff over the Asian doctors was the last straw, and these Footy episodes have been the nail in the coffin!

Juliar has been told by the POWERS THAT BE she can’t dump him until after the election, and even then after a “”respectable” time has elapsed.

The couch in the Lodge is being well used in the interim.

It is now doubtful that the well publicised Bikie Ride will now take place.

paisley
Member
paisley

Who does Matheson think he is telling Essendon and Richmond who to invite to their functions.He is a bogan like his big assed partner. When they used to live at weekends in her house in Altona she would send him next door to borrow a food mixer or sugar from people that earned only one third of her salary.This was instead of jumping in the car and going to the supermarket.When she is gone he will not get in anywhere,he is a nobody and always will be.He is the kind of a guy I used to love meeting in the… Read more »

paisley
Member
paisley

Bow Right on,could no havet said it better myself.

SUELLEN
Member
SUELLEN

IT MAKES MY STOMACH TURN OVER, TO THINK THIS LOT HAVE INVADED THE HIGHEST OFFICE IN THE LAND. THERE WILL NEED TO BE A LOT OF BLEACH AND DISINFECTANT USED IN THE LODGE AND KIRRABILLA AFTER THEY LEAVE.

WHAT A SAD DAY IT WAS FOR AUSTRALIA WHEN THE POOR SILLY BUGGERS VOTED THEM IN.

paisley
Member
paisley

Who is this guy Tim,what do we know,he supports Richmond a looser,he cuts hair, a sophisticated guy that cuts lawns but has to talk woman speak.His mate is Barry Cassidy, shush!.He owes people money, and he is jealous of Tony Abbott being in the same room as himself. And the Canberra cops are making money on his traffic fines. He has been banned from overseas trips.(touched up a male steward on the flight.)Cannot be with the dog as it is screwing his right leg in public.(The dog is a poof.) He is in the mens shed ,that is very scary.It… Read more »

Druid
Member
Druid

Another McTurd smokescreen…. Corby and the spun drugs in NRL and AFL are welcome distractions for the underbelly ALP. Problem is no one is buying the diversions anymore. Rather the McTurd 457 hypocrisy , wipe out in WA and the Labor rats deserting the sinking ship knowing they will all be back to being union hacks after the 9%+ swing that will wipe out most juliar Ministers. Please don’t sack the childless, communist, atheist, lesbian Fabian bean flicker.

attheready
Member
attheready

Now Timmy has said he is going to the GP in Melbourne next weekend catching up he says with this person,that guy etc so he obviously is being entertained by some Corporates and doing more freeloading.So if your at the GP and looking for that fake Rolex,a rebirthed BMW, a share in a racehorse that does not exist or a tax free investment deal in Nigeria you may just be in luck.

roxyroo
Member
roxyroo

you got it GeoffU its a spin to con the public,

zeitgeist
Member
zeitgeist

Another snow job. Remember the deafening silence on Corby from Canberra after the news broke about corruption within Customs. When directly asked, the answer just barely made it past being a mumble and was followed with a quick diversion to another topic.

peter888
Member
peter888

Re the Boats and illegals- Jail the crew for 10 years minimum or more and make that a hard and fast rule, and watch the boats suddenly stop. No Crew=No Illegals

Rwethereyet2
Member
Rwethereyet2

Well since Mr Swan won`t say it re Tax and small business
I will ..God help the small and medium Business Sectors.
I mean that wholeheartedly.Unselfishly.

barraabus
Member
barraabus

And now you know why bogans cannot run a country

Nickstruth
Member
Nickstruth

Juliar is going to W. A. Shortly and has a 1 hour session for All 30 ( maybe less ) Labor cronies set for a hall in Indigenous Liberal Ken Wyatts seat. He wasnt a Hockey player and is a man – that spells it out ..

Well Done WA Smith you are in line for a a Big Holiday after Sept 14 and Gary Gray maybe you should think about your future out of the AWU Parliament then also .. ROTFLMAO

theos
Member
theos

Juliar, the alps and the unions must face the fact that Australians do not want her as Prime Minister. The longer juliar stays the greater the damage to the now mortally wounded alp. it is as simple as that “Australians do not want her as PM”.

Druid
Member
Druid

Juliar must be very nervous getting tapped on the Hippo hips this week. McTurd its all over.

Chopper02
Member
Chopper02

Both are horrible pieces of work that deserve one another.
What a toxic, nasty and bitter couple they are.

attheready
Member
attheready

It would be great to see Gillard cleaned out by Tim in any separation settlement.Then in turn all those who Tim has ripped off and forgotten to pay over the years could go him.

Which makes me wonder does he owe the ATO for all his ‘Arthur Daly’ activities over time?

SkyblueOz
Member
SkyblueOz

Nice bloodbath in WA. Lets just hope it don’t spell the end of Gillard. I want her there in charge sept 14.