If I owned a magic wand I would make every religion that has ever been known to man disappear. Catholicism, Islamism, Protestantism, Judaism,  Baptism, those Latter Day Saint whackos, the lot, even the Salvos who have been politicised and hijacked by the money men.

Goooorne! … it would be illegal to practise the symbolic eating of human flesh and the drinking of human blood. It would be illegal to indoctrinate and baptise innocent little kids into horrible fear- and hate-filled occults.

Cathedrals would be turned into art galleries and mosques into council atriums. Treks to Mecca would only be for pop concerts, the Vatican would have a giant garage sale for a month of Sundays and donate the receipts to the poor.

Practising Ramadan would be permissible, but only for the full year.

Popes and Cardinals would have proper jobs on floats at the gay mardi gras with honest day jobs as car salesmen and solicitors.

The clergy would find boring jobs in the ABC promoting global warming, nuns would run phone sex hotlines and do outcalls for frustrated priests, leaving little choirboys free to climb trees and kick footballs.

Muslims caught with their bums in the air would receive instant enemas with fire hoses and Imams and Mullahs would be available for experiments in taxidermy and cadaver decomposition rates.

No more sadistic images of some poor bugger nailed to a cross, no more nonsense about pregnant virgins or 72 unpregnant ones. 

Politicians would have to stop asking some old bloke in the sky for advice (which has never worked that well) and start thinking for themselves and prayers to open Parliament would be replaced with dirges like, “Good old Collingwood forever…”.

The increase in global productivity would ensure there are no more financial meltdowns and there would be no reason to hate anything at all,

… except for Collingwood of course. 

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DiamondDave
Member
DiamondDave

I concur 99%, just lay off the Pies – scum bucket,

Hunter02
Member
Hunter02

If I owned a magic wand I would go back seven years and turn Crudd , Gillard and Brown into…..

Rubyred
Member
Rubyred

Surely not!

Hotrocks
Member
Hotrocks

Dripping in money .

Rasoo
Guest
Rasoo

And to think I spent all that time in Sunday School!

Desperate
Member
Desperate

I can understand your frustrations LP, but as a ‘ believer’ in the Almighty, who has given us guidelines in how we should live our lives,& the fact that we stray off that path is not His fault but ours alone. I believe in the Church of God not the Church of man.

uhav2Laf
Member
uhav2Laf

Thank you LP, the thought is magic itself.

aussiematters
Member
aussiematters

Ow look, satanism and witch craft missed the list. I guess you have to get that “magic wand” from somewhere.

vecchio
Member
vecchio

I’m eighty now, with English, Irish and Hungarian ancestors, nobody bothered to tell me until I was about twenty and the ancestors had passed on and it never occurred to them or me to make any fuss about it, my parents were nothing but AUSTRALIAN and so am I.

PopeAnthony
Member
PopeAnthony

Glad you didn’t include the Buddhists in that list Larry. I agree about the rest though. After 4 Corners last night I’m buggered if I know how George Pell isn’t in Long Bay or Pentridge.

Daveinoz
Member
Daveinoz

OUR CHURCHES

Why don’t they speak out and Goddamm the moslem atrocities ?
(after all fellow Christians and being crucified and machine gunned)

Why do they support socialists ?
(A vote for Labor is a vote for Islam)

Talk about it with your metaphysical self-appointed representative !

dante
Member
dante

Maybe you are a Financial Adviser. What I can’t work out is if somebody has the acumen to make a lot of money, how come they need to hand it over to a Financial Advisor to manage. Why don’t they use the same acumen to make their money work for them. It just takes a bit more effort. Financial Advisors especially the ones in the Commonwealth Bank are modern day robbers.

kwilley50
Member
kwilley50

I think you history is a little out of whack as the great influx of over two million immigrants happened after WWII. Those immigrants did us proud and were a great asset to Australia. However, your sentiments are well placed and I agree with you whole-heartedly.

aussieexpat
Member
aussieexpat

It’s a very great pity you don’t own a magic wand Larry.

Daveinoz
Member
Daveinoz

The socialists and do-gooder Christians have done this to us.

Twinkle
Member
Twinkle

And colourful robes.

Twinkle
Member
Twinkle

LOL I wish. I wish I wish for some sense to prevail.

dante
Member
dante

emkay, you are a one line wonder.

HammerTime
Member
HammerTime

It’s human nature to believe in something you can’t see. That’s why, since the decline of Christianity in the West, there’s been an explosion of belief in Green Theology: the belief that humans are destroying the planet and we should all sacrifice to serve Gaia. Isn’t that causing just as much trouble as Christianity did in the few decades before the 70s, when it really died? Some of us are skeptics and believe only in evidence, but the majority of people have the ‘god gene’ and will believe in what makes them feel good. Anyway, at least Christianity is now… Read more »

paladin30
Member
paladin30

Okay then. Fine with me! As long as we can hate Collingwood…

michha
Member
michha

I am starting to worry about you Larry, I really am

dante
Member
dante

where did this come from? emkay, you sound like you are referring to some of my rants about how I would be happy if LNP used their skills and resources to win the next election which I fear they are not. Don’t tell me LNP don’t lie because it will not impress me.

AndrewWA
Member
AndrewWA

So faith in a magic wand but in little else. “Stand for nothing…fall for anything!”

exbanker
Member
exbanker

Well obummer is doing his utmost to get rid of christianity

emkay
Member
emkay

dante, not as many as you have been led to believe by the labor/green/union lies

dante
Member
dante

How many Financial Advisers go to Church on Sundays and financially screw people all week in between?

Twinkle
Member
Twinkle

I haven’t been converted to anything. Mostly behave myself, treat people with respect, love my family, think good thoughts and have survived without killing anyone. without being nasty, dishonest, or unkind. How did I manage this without a divine presence? Don’t criticise me because I won’t criticise you for what you believe.

dante
Member
dante

Funny thing that Trumby. Watch the war films and soldiers on both sides cross themselves before going to battle. What a wank.

juggernaut
Member
juggernaut

Fear of doing bad is a good thing T. The bloke who burgles your house, rapes your daughter or blows up your wife with his car bomb does not fear the Christian God. Either do the pedo priests for that matter. When we stop teaching good v evil, guess what happens. Or when Islam teaches that evil is good, our kids hold up severed heads.

juggernaut
Member
juggernaut

JL was a communist. He wanted us to worship the God of the collective and their corrupt rulers. And he wanted everyone to “come together, right now, over me” Loser, Hippy, Wanker.

ThePragmatist
Member
ThePragmatist

Nothing wrong with religion until you give it to human beings who corrupt it. Of course China, North Korea and the old USSR were/are intolerant of religion and human rights were/are ignored. It gets back to morality. Humans are by nature an immoral, corrupt and greedy self serving violent beast.

Let them eat cake
Member
Let them eat cake

My favourite part of that song is when he sings “Imagine no possessions”. He sings this in the video while wandering his sprawling multi-million dollar estate in England.I always wondered how he managed to miss the irony of that.

juggernaut
Member
juggernaut

Sounds great Larry, but it won’t work. For all its obvious flaws, Christianity provides the crucial line-in-the-sand. Without this moral boundary, humans inevitably gravitate to evil as history proves. Every murderous tyrant and despot has outlawed Christianity before reeking destruction because their sinister intentions are contrary to and conflicting with the faith. This is why Islamists hate Christians. Christian teachings expose Islamic evils and run counter to their wicked agenda. I’m non-religious but I’m not stupid enough to believe that banning Christianity will help. The less religious our society becomes, the more misguided, depraved and unaccountable are its people.

Adder
Member
Adder

Eddie would be President forever, Buck would be coach for ever, the loony lump would still be at full forward and the rest of the football world will fight it out as Collywobbles keeps them as wooden spooners for ever. What a wonderful world it would be……

AussiePatriot
Member
AussiePatriot

Snow White took the dwarve’s lunch to the mine they worked in. The mouth of the mine was collapsed. She yelled,” Can anybody here me in there.” A voice came back,” Collingwood will win the premiership in 2014. Snow White said,” Thank God you’re alright Dopey.!”

JohnSayers
Member
JohnSayers

The Chinese have successfully eradicated religion from China. They invaded Tibet to liberate the Tibetans from the repressive Buddhist religion run by the Dali Lama.

iceman2
Member
iceman2

Very clever, Larry, had a good old belly laugh. I dips me lid to you.

AustralianEagle
Member
AustralianEagle

Larry Collingwood still is to beat North in a Grand Final just reminding you.

Blissbomb
Member
Blissbomb

Good thing you stuck in that last line.

chrisk
Donor
chrisk

Well done Larry …. and only the none religion CHRISTANITY survived.

dante
Member
dante

Brilliant piece of work. This will also make god happy because I’m sure it (god) doesn’t agree with all the religious bull shit man made up to control people. Not that he has done anything about it.

michaelh
Member
michaelh

Michael Smith has a link on his blog showing Isis at their best or is that worst. Coming to Australia real soon.

OppositionTony
Member
OppositionTony

Phew, I was worried about the Collingwood bit for a minute. Don’t forget to include the climate worshippers, who are akin to native tribes making sacrifices to appease the cranky Volcano God. I’d start with Islam first because it’s the religion that still resides in the very dark ages. I’m keeping Xmas though.

EsraStar
Member
EsraStar

You would be Larry Potter.

veritas
Member
veritas

By the way, I am not a collingwood supporter I follow St. Kilda, and somehow our theme song “When the Saints Go Marching In” wouldn’t fit either as the opening of parliament song.

veritas
Member
veritas

Why not open parliament with the Collingwood theme song. Was attending a hospital waiting for my husband when a large woman walked passed dressed in black and white colours, her mobile phone rang, and guess what? the Collingwood theme song was in full volume, we all looked at one another and laughed.

tweed
Member
tweed

“Imagine” by John Lennon comes to mind. A man of peace killed before his time.

bagman
Member
bagman

Popes and Cardinals would have proper jobs on floats at the gay mardi gras ,nuns would run phone sex hotlines and do outcalls for frustrated priests,Muslims caught with their bums in the air would receive instant enemas with fire hoses,Magic Larry the best bit is about Collingwood and they are not going to make the eight either,

iamgrumpier
Member
iamgrumpier

Religion …..Mankind’s curse for being stupid.

GerryWard
Member
GerryWard

Bears consideration.

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