The Australian acting and entertainment celebrity fraternity, practising and rehearsing their bestest outraged faces and voices, has demanded Tony Abbott DO SOMETHING about saving the lives of the Bali heroin smuggling ringleaders.

“Grow some balls!” one demanded.

“Man up!” said another.

“Save our boys!”

“Tony, if you have any courage and compassion get over to Indonesia and bring these two boys home.”

Quick as a flash, the Australian Prime Minister jolted into action, swiftly rallying to the call of this week’s entertainment celebrity cause-de-jour, summoning the troops.

Peta Credlin was called into a national emergency crisis meeting to draw up plans for an all out assault on Indonesia.

“Quick – get me Chris Hemsworth – ON THE DOUBLE!!”, she barked at the Defence Minister. "Tell him this is a crisis of Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard proportions. We need Thor and we need him now!!!”

“Next, get me Eric Bana! Thor can’t do it alone you know. We need all the might, brute force and scariness of the Incredible Hulk. And while you’re at it, get that Gladiator bloke…whatsisname…?”

“Um, Russell Crowe?” the Defence Minister queried nervously.

“Yeah ok, get him, too”, Credlin snapped back without a flinch. “We’ll get him to sing outside the Indonesian Presidential Palace. If that doesn’t break Widodo, I don’t know what will."

“Now…think….THINK…who else?”

"Well, there’s Wolverine – he’s one of ours, too. We could rally up our own team of Avengers. How about we call them the…Abbotters!"

“I like the way you think…err…who are you again?”

“The Defence Minister.”

“Oh, right. Now, what about Mad Max…is he still around?”

“Yeah, but our one’s a bit crusty these days. They have a new one but he’s not an Aussie. He’s a Pom I think.”

“Bugger. Anyone else you can think of. We need a woman?”

“The Black Widow?” the Minister suggested enthusiastically.

“She’s not an Australia….HEY! What are you looking at me like that for?"

“What about Tony in his speedos? He could lead the Abbotters.”

“Is he a member of the actor’s union?”

“No – I don’t think so.”

“Oh great! That’s a another diplomatic disaster we could do without. We’ll just go with what we’ve got. At least it'll shut those actors up for a while."

"Or we could just take all the scripts off them. That would do it, too!"

"Brilliant…um…who are you again?"

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TheProfessor
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TheProfessor

I have visions of ‘Team America’ and the FAGS Union coming to assist in this international ‘disaster’.

projob
Member
projob

Hulk? Wolverine? Mad Max? These aren’t Australians, they’re Yankee wankers. It won’t be long before they think of exhuming Chips Rafferty so they can show them what an Aussie used to look like

AngelaSpaapen
Member
AngelaSpaapen

Gunther,I sure hope your on our side.We get so much mindless drivel from the real enemy,the Moslems,that our rational conclusions are left floundering on the rocks of incomprehensibility.Fight fire with fire.We could have our own Village Idiot unleashing venomous twaddle and diatribe,mystifying all and leaving the devastated Moslem scratching his turban.

mots
Donor
mots

Are they trying out for roles in the movie of this charade?

Happy42
Member
Happy42

I think they’d all do well to stick to speaking lines that someone else has written for them.

Shotgun
Member
Shotgun

An incredibly funny article Paul and but you have to admit they are brilliant actors even if I didn’t recognize most of them.

YonToad
Member
YonToad

This bunch of self-absorbed emototrons epitomise the look-at-me twitterati for whom seeming is more important than doing. If they were more than a bunch of self promoting onanists they would not have used the executions as a stage for their infantile wankery.

geeveston
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geeveston

I used to say that actors who take partisan political positions are risking their marketability. i boycott actors who cosy up to celebrity politicians as does George Clooney and Martin Sheen etc. Now I can add some Australians to my list.

theos
Member
theos

it is a bit of a worry that so many Australians believe that the only reality is in the movies and that the words of movie-players are taken as akin to gospel.

liteline
Member
liteline

See that wanker Geoffrey Robertson with his phony and ridiculous trying to be British upper crust, accent, preaching to the pathetic souls with candles in Martin Place. Martin Place has only one memory for me recently; where those two innocents lost their lives because of that mad islamist thug, an illegal allowed to stay by KRudd or was it Juliar?